The Quilt: Get A Life

Some of you may wonder, why a quilt? Well, last winter I was taking stock of my life (a terrible idea, by the way) and I realized that I have no hobbies. Yes, I have activities, memberships and interests --which I see as all being purpose-driven.

But I wanted something that's just for fun, that I can daydream about, that's stimulating without adding pressure.

Fascinating, you say, but it still doesn't explain why a quilt? Well, I opted to make a quilt to help me get a life because: 

• I can sew (note I did not say I love to sew. Some people do; I, on the other hand, have a functional --and sometimes antagonistic-- relationship with my sewing machine);
• I can work on a quilt in little, tiny increments in between interruptions;
• I am attracted to the historicity of quilting and its place in women's experiences;
• and, finally, I feel no urgency to complete such a project (other than meeting a self-imposed deadline), as no one will suffer if it takes me until eternity.

Plus, I like pretty fabric. Another added bonus is that there's a large (very large, it turns out) community of quilters and fabric artists online. Inspiration, tutorials and encouragement abound.

In case you're wondering what kind of quilt I'm making, the design is called "Liberty Coins" from the book Quilts Galore by Diana McClun and Laura Nownes (1991).

If you've embarked on a similar journey, share! I'd love to hear about it! What are you doing, and where do you find encouragement?

amazon.ca

(My quilting will have to take a break for the next month, as I'll be occupied with Christmas-related projects. Details to come!)

We're Still Cool, Right? Check This Out...

A little cheater post today: check out this Parent Rap video from Bluefish TV. If your self-esteem needs a boost, this is it! Yes, put anything in slow-motion and it looks really cool. Anything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_NspDWssIY

Boy/Girl Tea Party, Part 2

Much delayed, but here is the second instalment on our boy/girl inclusive tea party! (If you missed Part 1, you can find it here.)

Setting the Table


Knowing that I was likely to host several more kiddie tea parties, I left my "grown-up" finery safe in the cupboard, and instead checked the thrift store for cheap and child-sized tableware. Our table boasted:

• assorted small "tea" cups and saucers, which I think were originally intended as espresso cups, but that happened to be a nice small size;
• assorted mini glass dishes --some were probably punch glasses, others were tiny dessert glasses, and I think one was an oversized jigger;
• colourful paper napkins that we already had on hand;
• and a lovely tablecloth, hand-embroidered with ... teapots! (Okay, I admit, the tablecloth I picked up in the summer. I just couldn't let that nice stitch-work languish in a thrift store!)

No joke, the cups/saucers and glassware totalled less than $1 per guest, and the tablecloth was the most expensive single item at $7.99.

Food

Although our theme was "a cupcake tea party," we decided to offer more fare than just sweets. And because I wanted to try the "Mad Hatter" tea party game, we served the food in courses. Our menu was:

• thinly-sliced veggie sticks --carrot, celery and red pepper-- served upright in the individual glassware with a small shot of dressing in the bottom;
• a combination of cubed fruit on skewers;
• and, last but not least, cupcakes and two kinds of tea, both herbal --one camomile, and one chocolate spice.

Cupcakes

My boys requested that we make "bat" cupcakes (another idea from Chirp magazine), and I thought they'd be nicely complemented by some "butterfly" cupcakes, inspired by those found in the kids' cookbook Cook It Together by Annabel Karmel. Both were a hit!

We decorated the bats with Smarties eyes, jelly bean mouth with sunflower seeds for fangs and dried mango as the wings. The butterflies had two half-cookie "wings" piped with a butterfly outline in chocolate.

The party was such fun, and I'm looking forward to inviting guests for a springtime tea party!

Why We Can't Be Camera-Shy

The past few years, whenever a camera is raised, I duck. Or quietly slink out of the room. Why? The full explanation is in a previous post, but let's just say I do not like the way my after-baby body looks.

Then a thunderclap, in the form of a link sent by a friend to a recent Huffington Post article, jolted me into a new perspective.

The author of the article --herself a mother of a couple of wee ones-- ponders what sort of message we send our children when we absent ourselves from our family's photographic memory for a number of years (or longer) because of our own self-perceived lack of visual appeal.

What does such self-censorship tell our girls, and our boys? Better yet, what are we telling our children when we joyfully participate in on-camera memory making, complete with extra heft, a few more chins, droopy lids, birds-nest hair and mismatched wardrobe?

The answer to that question, my friends, is what I'm going to keep in mind the next time a camera comes out. (I'll let you know if I get cold feet.)

What do you think?

The Halloween Candy Conundrum

Does anyone else find Halloween candy more plentiful than you remember it being when we were kids? This Halloween, my kids --who are small and don't move fast-- each came home with a sack of loot that I swear had a combined weight greater than any one of the boys!

I know there are lots of smart people out there who will give you sage advice on the best, most responsible way to dole out the Halloween stash. And then there's me...

Last year, I limited my guys to one piece of candy each per day. Sounds reasonable. Except that I had to endure, every day, the relentless badgering of, "Can we have the candy now? Can we have it now? When? Now?" It made me hate all candy that was and has ever been.

This year, I decided to ignore all the sage advice and just try to eliminate the sugary stockpile as quickly as possible. Here's the progress to date: Halloween night, I let my exhausted kids binge on their accumulated candy mass (they were so tired no sugar high could keep them from sleep). That got rid of a certain amount right away. Then, each morning after breakfast I've been letting them at their stash again.

The result?

1. We have relatively little candy left at this point, just under a week post-Halloweening.
2. A good portion of the stash never got eaten, because being free to sample they'd discovered what they liked and then opted to relinquish less palatable items.
3. They're choosing to consume less and less each day. I think we're down to just a few choice pieces each.
4. Our home is a badger-free zone. Knowing that they get free access to the candy each morning has meant that they aren't asking me for it the rest of the day.

Now, I'm not so naive as to think that this method doesn't have any flaws or drawbacks. Nor am I suggesting that it's the right solution for everyone. But for us (for me) this plan is working! 

I've also been trying to think up ways to limit or stem the intake right from the start. No epiphanies yet. Any ideas?

Recipe: Key Lime Cake With Meringue Topping

This moist and tart key lime cake, with its bright green colour, is a perfect dessert for Halloween or St. Patrick's Day, though it's fantastic any other time, too. (My own particular "special" occasion was that my toddler had chewed open a box of lime jello and I needed to do something with it.)

I was inspired by "Dot's Key Lime Pie" recipe (which is still for cake, not pie) and changed it to reduce the fat content quite a lot, as well as lightening up on the sugar.

Key Lime Cake With Meringue Topping

Cake
1/3 cup lime juice
1/3 cup powdered sugar
__________

1 cup sugar
2 cups flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. lemon extract
1 small package lime jello
3 eggs
1/2 cup oil
1 cup plain, low-fat yogurt
3/4 cup diluted lime juice (I only had lemon on hand, and it worked fine too)
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

-Dissolve powdered sugar in 1/3 cup lime juice and set aside.
-Mix remaining ingredients in a bowl and beat until well-blended.
-Pour batter into greased 9x13 pan.
-Bake at 350 degrees C, 30 minutes or until tester inserted in centre comes out dry.
-Let cake stand 15 minutes, then prick all over with a fork and pour juice over.

Meringue
3 eggs whites
1/4 tsp. cream of tartar
1/3 cup sugar

-Beat egg whites and cream of tartar together until frothy.
-Still beating, gradually add sugar, and continue beating until stiff peaks form.
-Spoon mixture evenly onto cake. Bake at 425 degrees for 5-7 minutes until golden.

(Sorry no picture; not organized enough with the camera. Next time!)

Boy/Girl Tea Party, Part 1

Let me be clear: I love having four boys. But not having a girl does deny me the option of certain experiences, like shopping for pretty frocks, making pretty crafts, playing with pretty dolls.  Well, I decided, that's life. But --boys or no boys, girl or no girl-- I refuse to be denied tea parties.

Guest List
My oldest and I began by drafting the guest list, trying to balance numbers of boys and girls. We ended up inviting an equal number of each, with four girls accepting and two boys (a third did as well, but in the end couldn't make it), plus my three out of four boys.

the finished product

Invitations
We decided on the theme of a "cupcake tea party." (That way I was only on the hook for producing cupcakes, should time, focus or inspiration fail me.) For invitations, we cut out cupcake shapes from construction paper, with the bottom and top from different colours, and glued them together. Then I simply hand-wrote the details with a coloured pen.

cupcake tops to cut out

Activities
I must admit I was not enthused by most of the activity ideas I found, as a lot was geared for girls (like makeup stations or crafting a handbag) or, if boys were the focus, the "tea party" aspect was largely overshadowed by the addition of pirate or monster themes. (Arrgh, matey! Pass the sugar, or I'll make ye walk the plank!) Nope and nope.

But in the end, a little inspiration and imagination gave us some fun activities:

Decorating Hats

• hats were thrift store finds, various kinds/styles
• kids chose their hat and the decorations from an assortment of feathers, sequins, pipe cleaners, pompoms, ribbon, foamy shapes
• parent-helper used a hot glue gun to attach the embellishments

Tea Cup Treasure Hunt

• kids were let loose to find the tea cups for the party hidden through the house
• certain rooms were off-limits (like the kitchen)
• hunters were instructed that no objects needed to be moved/opened to find the cups; all were in "plain sight"

Mad Hatter Tea

• similar idea to Musical Chairs, but always having the same number of chairs as players (i.e. no one is "out")
• at the start of each course, before serving the food, music is played and kids walk around the table; when the music stops, each kid sits down in the chair s/he is at and stays at that seat until the next round
• I must confess that this one did not actually work at our party. I faced a near-unanimous mutiny. But I still think it's a great idea. Link to the original idea is here.

All right, there were some pirates present.. but very well behaved.

Next instalment: Setting The Table and Food 

Reading: Want To Feel Like An Amazing Parent?

All of us have those days when we feel like we missed some important memo that would've told us the secret to doing parenting right. Well, after the kids are in bed on those days, crack open one of these great reads; they're sure to make you feel like an amazing parent!

Joyner's Dream by Sylvia Tyson
A friend lent me this book, and once I started reading it I had a hard time putting it down. (Thanks, S!) This is an enticing family saga, stretching from 18th-century England to 21st-century Canada. Like any family, this book's cast of characters is diverse: some are loving, nurturing parents, while others... not so much. My favourite example of the latter is a father who, due to his own demons, cannot accept his daughter, and so leaves the girl in the sole care of her grandfather. When the bad daddy reappears, he only sustains interest in the young woman as long as she aids him with cons, swindles and thefts. Nice, eh?


Palace Walk by Naguib Mahfouz
Naguib Mahfouz (1911-2006) is a renowned and Nobel-winning Egyptian author. In Palace Walk, the first book of his Cairo Trilogy, we meet the al-Jawad family, headed by the imposing father, Sayyid Ahmad. Set in the late 1910's in Cairo, the book follows the paths of the various family members, outside of and inside of the family unit. At the outset Sayyid Ahmad is a sanctimonious, inflexible tyrant; as the book progresses he proves himself to be a two-faced, egotistical and vain bully. Thankfully, the other characters are much more sympathetic, and the writing is beautiful, giving a sensational feel of Egypt in the early 20th century.

Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs

Anything by Augusten Burroughs is not for the faint of heart, and, honestly, I recommend this author's memoirs only for those with a dry sense of humour bordering on dark. Burroughs manages to recount the disturbingly self-absorbed antics of his parents and others as outrageously funny vignettes. One example: after his parents' publicly acrimonious split, young Augusten's unstable mother gives him to her therapist, whose ritual is to poop on the picnic table in the family's backyard and then demand that the other members of the household examine it to assess what deep truths the excrement imparts. ... Betcha haven't done that, have you?

How about you? Do you have any "this-parent-makes-me-look-amazing" books?

The Quilt: For Once, I Won't Channel Liz Lemon

photo from nbc.com
Tina Fey as Liz Lemon
(link to one of my favourite clips)

My partner's favourite show, hands down, is "30 Rock" with Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin. And one of his favourite lines is when Fey's character recites a list of her recent summer accomplishments, including starting a quilt, and Baldwin replies,"You'll never finish that quilt." To which she grudgingly retorts, "I know!"

For the uninitiated --a category I include myself in-- quilting can seem like the Sisyphean task of sewing: labour-intensive, never-ending and, ultimately, futile. I marvel whenever I see a completed quilt. Having confessed this, you can understand why I've been reluctant to admit that I've started a one.

I've kept it a secret because I gave myself a deadline to finish of two years, and I wanted to be sure that I could produce on schedule. When I began the quilt two years seemed like a generous amount of time, but that was back in January. Yes, as in 10 months ago. And so far, I have... cut out a bunch of little pieces of fabric. Faith in my ability to complete this project started to waver.

Until this past week! I... S-E-W-E-D...!! (Horn fanfare, please.)

Do not let my renewed enthusiasm mislead you: I (still) have lots more little pieces of fabric to cut, and I really need to get the lead out if this quilt is going to get done before global warming makes it irrelevant.

But, I now have hope. And I resolve that I will not Lemon out! (Stay tuned...)

Giving Thanks Amid The Colours

We were very happy to spend part of the Thanksgiving long weekend at our extended family's cottage.

The kids enjoyed exploring the beach, wading in the water, building sandcastles (which were then attacked by ferocious sea monsters) and hiking in the back forest. Good thing I learned from our summer camping venture to bring lots of extra clothes! And waterproof pants didn't hurt...

I hope you and yours had a wonderful time, too!

Decorating Pumpkins Without The Knife

Am I the only one whose kids have already been clamouring, "Can we carve the pumpkin today?" And, of course, my explanation that if we cut into it now (nearly 30 days before Hallowe'en) it will only go bad, gave little credence to my answer of "no."

Thankfully, Gail Gibbons' The Pumpkin Book rescued me. In reading this, my guys nabbed the idea to decorate our pumpkin without subjecting it to surgical re-invention.

Oh, no! My hair gel is out of control!

What we used:

• bottle caps for eyes
• frozen juice can lid for mouth
• play-dough for nose, hair (or whatever that stuff is supposed to be) and ears
• a discarded pacifier and a trinket we found on the street for earrings

Then we had the brilliant idea to make it look like he's climbing out of our front planter! So we cut the legs off a pair of old pants that were headed for the rag bin, wound an elastic around each on one end, stuffed them with plastic bags and finished them off with a pair of old mittens.

Why is this kid smiling? Can't he see I'm trying to get out?!?

Other items that would make great pumpkin features:

• buttons
• pins, brooches
• costume items like glasses and false noses
• Mr. Potato Head bits
• foam shapes or bits that you have lying around

What else?

The F-Word And Me

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Real Boys: Something Every Parent of Boys Should Know

I'm sometimes taken aback by the roles cast by our culture for our boys and young men. Why is it that we encourage girls to move beyond roles deemed "traditionally feminine," say to use a toolbox or excel at sports, while boys who have preferences or qualities outside those considered "traditionally masculine," we view as weak or deficient?

Don't agree? Just think about that boy who cries a lot, publicly. Or imagine a boy who is utterly hopeless at anything athletic. Even if you don't shy away from these qualities, you've certainly thought, "Others will make fun of him," and worried for his emotional safety. I'm right, right?

Real Boys' Voices

A mother of four young boys, I was thrilled to stumble across the book Real Boys' Voices (RBV) by Dr. William S. Pollack (Random House, 2000). As a practising psychologist and research academic, Dr. Pollack has spent decades listening to North American men and boys open up about themselves and the pressures they feel. RBV is the follow-up book to Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons From the Myths of Boyhood, in which he walks the lay-reader through his analysis of what fundamental impact normative conceptions of "masculinity" have on boys.

RBV carries the same message as Real Boys, but as told through hundreds of first-person insights offered by boys in interviews. The message is simple, yet profound and disturbing: sensing that only a narrow spectrum of "masculine" emotions are available to them, our boys shut down and suppress much of their feelings, and manifest their fear, pain and sadness in forms condoned as "masculine," namely as anger, detachment and physical violence.

But, Dr. Pollack stresses, there is hope. If we create safe spaces for our boys, listen to them and let them open up in their own way, we can let them know that they can live beyond the "real boy" code of behaviour. Though heavy on the first-person accounts, RBV offers lots of practical tips on ways to help boys feel emotionally safe, how to open the door to conversations and what signs or signals our boys might be giving us if they're feeling lost or depressed.

Having read Real Boys' Voices, I feel better equipped to help my sons navigate the oft-confusing labyrinth of growing up male, and I really recommend Dr. Pollack's work for anyone raising and nurturing a boy.

Do you have a "lightbulb" book when it comes to parenting your boy or girl?

How I Survive, Really: Grand Larceny

It's a trick my mother taught me. You "steal" resources from one area of your life in order to fill a gap in another. Colloquially, it's called "robbing Peter to pay Paul." Not wise to apply it to finances, but certainly very useful when it comes to domestic life.

For my mother --a single mother with a demanding full-time job and some severely limiting physical disabilities-- "robbing Peter" meant that on a weekly rotation she consciously neglected one area of her life: job, house or kid. Obviously her "neglect" of any of these responsibilities was a matter of degree. She still had work that needed to get done; somebody had to do laundry and grocery shop; and she was always a caring mother.

But on a week-by-week basis, something had to give. So, one week, she wasn't quite on top of her administrative paperwork. Another week, that leaky faucet kept leaking a little longer. And the next week, we skipped our usual after-dinner badminton games in the back yard.

Basically, my mother accepted the fact that she couldn't give 100% to everything all the time.

It's an example of "realistic mummying" that I did not fully comprehend until I, myself, became a mummy. Now, I try to keep my mother's practical approach in mind, like when we choose goofing off as a family instead of crossing jobs off the to-do list, or not going bike riding for once so I can finally vacuum up the heaps of pet fur.



And I try to cut myself a bit of slack about these choices and to feel okay about being a bit less than universally optimal (like when I completely forgot about not one, not two, but THREE appointments this week!). I guess somedays that's easier than others. :)

How about you? How do you walk the tightrope?

A Snippet of Brotherly Love

It was a little thing, but it warmed my heart.


My not-quite-one-and-a-halfer had been playing with his twin brothers in the back yard, when they both decided (mental telepathy?) to retreat to the kitchen where I was making dinner to see what they could get into. The toddler left in the yard showed no concern, until... he tried to get the teeter-totter to work, by himself.

He screeched with frustration and disappointment (he had seen how much fun the other two had, playing on it just a few minutes earlier). But, the plain truth is that such an apparatus requires a partner. I felt my heart go heavy, feeling his solitude. So I explained to the twins, "He'd really like to play on the teeter-totter. Would one of you like to play with him?"

The first to respond gave the answer I expected: "no!" Then the other, very gently, said, "I'll do that," and he joined his younger brother at the back of the yard.

Attention spans of toddlers and pre-schoolers measure in nano-seconds, so the interaction didn't last long. But for the brief minutes they played together, I smiled at their squeaks of laughter, wide grins and, especially, the look of enthralled joy worn by my youngest boy.

Such a nice contrast to the more typical whacking and smacking that goes on among our boys. Gives me hope... :)

Chirp Birthday Cake For Daddy

When I asked my boys what kind of cake they'd like to make for their dad's birthday, my oldest --without a second's hesitation-- stated, "A Chirp cake!"

Owl Kids' "Chirp" magazine

For the uninitiated, "Chirp" is the central figure of the Canadian pre-schooler magazine called... wait for it... "Chirp." He's an unidentified yellow chick-thing and he has various (short) adventures with his pals Squawk and Tweet in each issue of the magazine. Yes, sounds weird, but I've slowly realized that media aimed at children with any popularity is undeniably weird. At least, I don't get it half the time. (Yo Gabba Gabba? Toopy and Binoo? What bent minds thought these up?)

What I do love about "Chirp" magazine is that it's

• Canadian, meaning it references Canadian experiences and measures metric (except for recipes);
• largely advertisement-free, unlike other kids magazines I've seen which are choc-full of ads;
• very interactive: each issue offers activities, games, crafts, and imagination fodder;
• overall a good product and well-done!

 The latest issue had a recipe for a Chirp cake, and clearly the kids were eager to try it out. Even with several sous-chefs, pretty good, non?

Whadda ya mean I can't eat any more icing?

Putting the fate of the cake in the hands of a 3-yr-old

Lookin' good!

Ta da!