A Clean Green Round-up: The Four Green Cleaning Products You Really Need

In an earlier post, I shared some tips on how to approach spring cleaning, Realistic-Mummy-style. An additional aspect of this is limiting the complexity of the job, namely simplifying your cleaning arsenal!

I find it boggling that there seems to be a separate product available for nearly every conceivable domestic cleaning job, in addition to the "general purpose" cleaner. At last count, I figured I'm supposed to truck in at least four different bottles of stuff for each room I tackle, plus find space to store the myriad of bottles when they're off-duty.

If you're looking to simplify, here are the basic tools that also work wonders in a variety of situations:

1. good-quality vegetable-based soap

I'm talking about some simple dishwashing liquid soap. It's amazing what some hot water with a little soap will clean. Almost everything! Walls, countertops, floors... It's the first thing I usually reach for.

What I use:

I've tried a lot of different dish soaps and found they are not all created equal. Citrasolv has impressed me with its long-lasting, hard-working suds.

Citrasolv dish soap

2. soap-scum removing antiseptic cleaner

In the bathroom, something to cut through soap scum is helpful. Look for a cleaner with some antiseptic properties as well --tea tree oil or orange essence are common ones. (And, if your bathtub works as hard as ours, a synthetic scrubbing pad or nylon brush in addition to the cleaner are unbeatable in removing that tenacious grime residue!)

What I use:

Nature Clean's Tile & Bath Cleaner for everything in the bathroom --tub, sink, toilet, faucets.

Nature Clean tile & bath

3. vinegar

Yep, plain ol' household vinegar is a great multi-purpose cleaner, especially for glass and mirrors. A lot cheaper than commercial glass cleaner, it also doesn't release toxic chemicals into your home. The secret of getting (virtually) streak-free glass? Use a small amount of vinegar and rub vigorously with lots of scrunched newspaper. 

4. water

I spritz a little water on a soft clean rag, just enough to dampen it, and use it for dusting. This has worked reliably for me, safely dusting even my grandmother's antique dining room sideboard!

(Okay, I lied; here's a fifth one:) 

5. laundry detergent

For cleaning clothes, we use a single, unscented vegetable-based detergent for everything: baby clothes, fine washables, darks, lights, etc. Got stains? Pour a little detergent directly on the stain, rub in and let sit for a few minutes; then wash in the hottest temperature water the fabric can take.

And, truly, skip the fabric softener and dryer sheets --for the cost and extra step, they don't add anything useful (plus, the conventional ones are purely nasty chemicals).

  

What I use:

Bio-Vert unscented high-efficiency detergent.

Bio-Vert laundry detergent

With lots of companies offering green cleaners, it seems that part of our reluctance to banish noxious chemical cleaners is based on our fixation with pseudo-perfection. Let's just lay that burden down, sisters and brothers! (A few streaks on your mirror? Really, who cares?)

Plus, I've noticed that in our city, most large supermarkets now carry some natural cleaners, so they're even easier to get ahold of. Excuses, your time is up!

(That said, do read the label before buying a new brand... just 'cuz it says "green" on the package, doesn't mean it is "green"!)

How about you? What products are your best performers?

Spring Cleaning Tips for the Realistic Mummy

Unless you resort to paying someone else to clean your home, the idea of "spring cleaning" remains just that --an idea-- for the Realistic Mummy with a house full of young kids. The irony, however, is that if you do have a house full of little kids, then it almost certainly needs a good spring clean!

What's a Realistic Mummy to do? Here are some tips that I've found helpful:

  1.    Toss the baggage. The most important tip is to collect all those mental images of a fully clean house, sparkling from top to bottom, with linens aired, rugs beaten, clutter annihilated... and then throw that collection of imaginary baggage out the window! Get real; you live with a herd of mess-inducing, time-sucking small beings whose current purpose is to create chaos. Ditch the idea of a thorough clean-job, and accept a relative improvement in the level of domestic grime. This stage won't last forever (I keep reminding myself)...

2.    Think small. I've confessed before that my tendency is to wait to vacuum until I have time to vacuum the whole house, which is pretty much never. I've had to learn, therefore, that piecemeal jobs are better than none. Now, I clean/tidy in whatever snatches of time I find, tackling only as much as I can accomplish in a few minutes. So, sure, my house is never completely clean or tidy, but I can take satisfaction in a just-dusted shelf or a momentarily smudge-free mirror. And (I remind myself yet again) this stage won't last forever...

3.    Respect your limits. Accomplishing things feels good, but don't be tempted to push it. Your kids have been quiet while you do a certain job; don't think it will last! You'll only cause yourself stress if you try to sneak more in than is reasonably possible (emphasis on the "reasonably" part). Feel good about what you can do, and resolve to ignore what you can't.

4.    Cut yourself some slack. While we'd like to have a perfectly (or even imperfectly) clean house, what's the consequence if for a few years we don't? Yes, we want to avoid squalor and hoarding, and we don't want to lose track of certain essential items (like keys and wallets). But beyond staving off those extremes, what are we afraid will happen? Too often we forget that we make our own stress. Keep your cool (I keep reminding myself) and stay confident in your own ability to evaluate what's truly important.

This actually is something that rarely gets done...

I've explored here a few ideas on helpful ways to think about cleaning jobs, rather than ways to clean, basically because I find lists dealing exclusively with the latter tend to make me feel like I've got to add more things to my to-do list. (Bleh!)

My tip #5 is on simplifying your cleaning arsenal, but I'll expand on that in a separate post, to follow...

Until then, gentle readers, please share your own spring cleaning ideas, tips and experiences!

Radical Christmas Tree Alternative: Bunting Flags

We're going to be "that" family. The family that has an alternative Christmas tree. Post-last-Christmas season, I shared the crazy that goes down in our house with the arrival of a Christmas tree. To sum up: a small disaster. So for this year, I decided to re-think the whole situation and try something new.

Enter the idea of bunting flags. (For those not into crafting/sewing trends, these are strings of flags of the type that I associate with used car lots, and nicer versions of these are remarkably hot right now as whimsical decor.) I still wanted greenery, and opted to combine the flags with a cedar garland.

I had hoped to add lights and ornaments (this was in lieu of a tree, after all), but given the December we had I got Realistic and decided they could wait for next year.

If you'd like to DIY, here's my method for Bunting Flags:

1. Make a template of the size flag desired including a 1/4-inch seam allowance. Mine was approximately 12 inches long x 6 inches wide at the top.

2. Using the template, cut out a selection of flags, two pieces for each finished flag you want. (I did wash and iron my fabric prior, just in case I ever need to launder our flags. Weird stuff happens in our house.)

TIP: Using a rotary cutter with a long acrylic ruler and cutting mat really makes this step go quickly.

I got fancy with some and combined different fabrics.

3. If the flags will be hung in a doorway or window, you may want to add a liner piece to any light-coloured patterned flags so that the pattern from one side doesn't show through on the other side. I simply cut plain white pieces from an old sheet using the same flag template.

4. With right sides of the fabric (i.e. patterned sides) together, join two flag pieces by sewing along the two long sides. If including a liner piece, just add it on top of one of the flag pieces before sewing and stitch all three layers at one time.

TIP: At the "V" where the two side seams meet, sew one stitch straight across instead of making a point. Oddly, this makes it easier to produce a sharp point when you turn the flag right-side out.

5. Trim the seam allowance close to the seam near the point. Then turn the sewn flag right-side out. (I used a wooden skewer to gently prod the narrow end into a point.) Press.

6. Repeat the above steps until you have enough flags for your desired length. Using double-folded bias tape (available at a sewing supply store), insert the flag tops into the centre of the folded tape and sew close along the bottom edge of the tape.

7. Hang and enjoy!

Did you re-imagine any of your Christmas traditions this year?

We're Still Cool, Right? Check This Out...

A little cheater post today: check out this Parent Rap video from Bluefish TV. If your self-esteem needs a boost, this is it! Yes, put anything in slow-motion and it looks really cool. Anything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_NspDWssIY

The Halloween Candy Conundrum

Does anyone else find Halloween candy more plentiful than you remember it being when we were kids? This Halloween, my kids --who are small and don't move fast-- each came home with a sack of loot that I swear had a combined weight greater than any one of the boys!

I know there are lots of smart people out there who will give you sage advice on the best, most responsible way to dole out the Halloween stash. And then there's me...

Last year, I limited my guys to one piece of candy each per day. Sounds reasonable. Except that I had to endure, every day, the relentless badgering of, "Can we have the candy now? Can we have it now? When? Now?" It made me hate all candy that was and has ever been.

This year, I decided to ignore all the sage advice and just try to eliminate the sugary stockpile as quickly as possible. Here's the progress to date: Halloween night, I let my exhausted kids binge on their accumulated candy mass (they were so tired no sugar high could keep them from sleep). That got rid of a certain amount right away. Then, each morning after breakfast I've been letting them at their stash again.

The result?

1. We have relatively little candy left at this point, just under a week post-Halloweening.
2. A good portion of the stash never got eaten, because being free to sample they'd discovered what they liked and then opted to relinquish less palatable items.
3. They're choosing to consume less and less each day. I think we're down to just a few choice pieces each.
4. Our home is a badger-free zone. Knowing that they get free access to the candy each morning has meant that they aren't asking me for it the rest of the day.

Now, I'm not so naive as to think that this method doesn't have any flaws or drawbacks. Nor am I suggesting that it's the right solution for everyone. But for us (for me) this plan is working! 

I've also been trying to think up ways to limit or stem the intake right from the start. No epiphanies yet. Any ideas?

How I Survive, Really: Grand Larceny

It's a trick my mother taught me. You "steal" resources from one area of your life in order to fill a gap in another. Colloquially, it's called "robbing Peter to pay Paul." Not wise to apply it to finances, but certainly very useful when it comes to domestic life.

For my mother --a single mother with a demanding full-time job and some severely limiting physical disabilities-- "robbing Peter" meant that on a weekly rotation she consciously neglected one area of her life: job, house or kid. Obviously her "neglect" of any of these responsibilities was a matter of degree. She still had work that needed to get done; somebody had to do laundry and grocery shop; and she was always a caring mother.

But on a week-by-week basis, something had to give. So, one week, she wasn't quite on top of her administrative paperwork. Another week, that leaky faucet kept leaking a little longer. And the next week, we skipped our usual after-dinner badminton games in the back yard.

Basically, my mother accepted the fact that she couldn't give 100% to everything all the time.

It's an example of "realistic mummying" that I did not fully comprehend until I, myself, became a mummy. Now, I try to keep my mother's practical approach in mind, like when we choose goofing off as a family instead of crossing jobs off the to-do list, or not going bike riding for once so I can finally vacuum up the heaps of pet fur.



And I try to cut myself a bit of slack about these choices and to feel okay about being a bit less than universally optimal (like when I completely forgot about not one, not two, but THREE appointments this week!). I guess somedays that's easier than others. :)

How about you? How do you walk the tightrope?

How I Survive, Really: The Dirt On Cleaning

I do not clean my house. There. The truth is out.

This is a choice I have made:

1. Because I am mother to four boys aged five and under, and so each day is filled with lurching from chaos to crisis. 
2. Because, I am the type who needs at least eight hours of sleep per night... which I do not get because of the first reason. But really where I was going with the sleep thing, is that once I get everyone else in bed, I am zonked and often fall asleep soon after.
3. Because if I have a minute, I spend it throwing dirty clothes into the washing machine, or emptying the dishwasher of many small plates and bowls, or even scouring pots. (If I don't do these things, suddenly we have no clean clothes to wear or vessels to eat out of or cook with.)
4. Because the futility of the endeavour depresses me. There's nothing as discouraging as finally washing the kitchen floor, only to immediately have the back door open and a troop of muddy paws dash across the shining surface.

My favourite domestic tasks to abandon:

• dusting
• vacuuming behind furniture
• washing floors
• cleaning windows
• folding clothes
• ironing 

But, the best part is that I'm learning that I'm not alone. Unless they have a cleaning service or children of a helpful age and/or temperament, other mummies make similar choices.

So, let's relax and let go of our misconception that every mummy's house is pristine except for ours! Like so much of parenting, this messiness is indicative of a stage in our families' lives; it will pass. I can't imagine that on my death bed, I'm going to look back on my life and say, "If only I had dusted more..."

Night Terrors

You run down the hall to your screaming child. But when you reach his bedside and stretch out your arms to comfort him, he flails his limbs and screams all the more. You call his name, tell him you're here, to no effect. Maybe his eyes are open; he might look in your direction. But he doesn't respond to your pleas and solaces.

After a while, he quiets and lies down, apparently of his own accord.

This pattern may replay several times a week, or only once in a while. Regardless, your reaction as a parent is always the same: confusion, concern and a sense of helplessness.

This pattern of behaviours is commonly known as "night terrors." Night terrors are not fully understood yet by the medical community, but for some good explanations, check out the articles from Toronto's Hospital for Sick Children, as well as from KidsHealth.org, and Pediatrics.About.com.

Two of our four boys have night terrors, and we've experienced scenarios like the one above many times. It was a relief to finally figure out what was going on, but it took some work, as the boys don't manifest the same pattern during a night terror.

So, in addition to all the expert advice, here's what we've discovered:

• We don't try (any more) to wake our boys. 
• That said, we've found our one son quiets more quickly if I (mummy) stay by him and quietly tell him I'm there and that we'll work on "it" together (I don't know what "it" is that he's experiencing, but that vague term seems to work).
• BUT, our other son requires absolutely no interaction whatsoever. No talking, no touching. If I do talk or touch, he becomes much more agitated and screams louder.

1st lesson learned: children may respond differently to different kinds/degrees of parental interaction during a night terror. Unfortunately, only trial and error will clarify this.

• During a night terror, our one son matches the classic description (behaviour, duration, contributing factors) --figuring out what was going on with him was relatively easy.
• BUT, our other son's night terrors do not follow the classic pattern. His screaming will go on for up to an hour. He may have several episodes in one night. Sometimes he even interacts with us to a certain extent, though not in a "normal" kind of way (e.g. we can't make sense of what he's saying; he asks for water but doesn't want it; he talks to us but while lying down with his eyes shut). 

2nd lesson learned: even though it doesn't match the standard description, it might still be a night terror. Trust your gut. 

• A trip to the toilet (for our out-of-diapers son) quite often seems to head off a night terror. This was a tip from friends who endured unbelievable night terrors until they came up with this tactic.
• Hearing many other parents share their stories and how they've coped with night terrors is amazingly reassuring. It's helped us feel like we're responding the right --and the realistic-- way.

3rd lesson learned: talk to everyone who may have insight to help you devise the best way to respond to the night terrors. Doctors, sure, but definitely other parents --they are the ones living through these episodes, and maybe some odd thing they've tried will work for you!  

And, above all, stay calm and try to ride them out (4th lesson there?). Anyone have any tips or stories to share?

The Grinch Who Saved Birthdays

Now, don't tell me you haven't heard of the Birthday Grinch? Like her more famous cousin --you know, the one that "stole" Christmas-- this Grinch also makes gifts disappear... birthday gifts. Unlike her waffling cousin, however, the Birthday Grinch is resolute: no last-minute change of heart here. Nope. Birthday presents are --poof!-- all gone.

image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Dr. Seuss references aside, I honestly do specify "no gifts" on the party invitations to our boys' friends. Gifts from relatives we allow. But politely declining gifts from friends stems the seemingly unavoidable rising tide of kids' toys, and it helps our sons look forward to having fun with their friends versus getting, getting, getting.

In reality there are two main differences between me (aka the Birthday Grinch) and the green grouchy guy who lives at the top of a mountain. First, I don't take away gifts that are already given. If a friend brings a gift, we say "thank you,"and then we open it after the party.

And second, my reason for banning birthday presents is not because the little rug-rats irritate me with their joyfulness. On the contrary, I do it with their long-term happiness as an end goal. I figure guiding our kids to consume in a less rabid fashion is ultimately better.

How about you? How do you keep toy levels in check?

Aren't We All "Mom Enough"?

Even if you don't read Time Magazine, I'm sure you've heard of the sensationalistic cover story on attachment parenting (May 21, 2012 issue). Ah yes, the boob shot that sent shockwaves around the world.

The Time's article joined the larger discussion on attachment parenting recently set off by the marketing of French feminist and writer Elisabeth Badinter's book, The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women. Just in case you've managed to avoid getting bogged-down in this controversy, simply put, Badinter argues that attachment parenting is bad and anti-feminist because it requires mothers to focus their time and energy on their child(ren) to such a degree that the other aspects of these women's lives suffer (work, other relationships, self-image, etc.).

Now, whether you describe your parenting style as "attachment parenting" or not, I think is beside the point. What really bothered me, was that these two hugely-publicized writings have seemed to portray parenting in rather black-and-white hues: you're this or you're that, you're for or against, you're successful or you're a failure...

Whoa! When has parenting ever been able to be described in such stark, opposing terms? I know I take what I think is a good idea or theory, try it out to a greater or lesser extent, evaluate and modify as needed. As needed by what? As needed by my particular situation.

Take one of the main issues of controversy, co-sleeping, as an example. For some parents, this works great: baby sleeps well, you sleep well, baby feeds well, you enjoy the proximity to your child... For others, it doesn't: baby doesn't sleep well, baby doesn't feed well, you don't sleep well, you need some time without someone pawing at you...

For many of us, we end up doing some variation on co-sleeping: just when the baby is very young, just when the child is ill, just when the other parent is away...

What is best? Whichever set-up keeps us sane and feeling overall positive towards our children. Why? Because then we can lovingly parent our youngsters in our conscious hours. And that's what being "mom enough" really means.

Thankfully, all this hyperbolic, polarizing stuff has brought out some moderates and qualifiers as well. For a few balanced, "expert" insights check out the Globe and Mail's continuing discussion and the NYT's blog, Motherlode.

Don't Worry, We All Stink

In the past few weeks, I've had several mummies confide that they've been feeling like they're not measuring up. These are great mothers --loving, conscientious, hard-working, generous-- but they feel like everyone else is in on a parenting secret that they're not. Well, I have three secrets of my own to share:

The Realistic Mummy's 3 Secrets of Parenting:

1. No one does it all. Certainly not all the time.

2. Most questions or quandries in parenting do not have one right answer.

3. All mothers --at least all the ones I know-- periodically feel really insecure about how they measure up compared to other mothers.

These realities are, in fact, the very reason I started this blog. Because there's lots of information out there on how we can do better, and that's great. But there's not a lot on how we just make it through. And a hefty portion of being a parent boils down to surviving.

When I'm out with my four boys (and sometimes a dog) I regularly have people comment, "I don't know how you do it!" Well, I'm not exactly sure what "it" is, but I am sure that "it" is NOT what I'm doing. What I am doing is surviving, and being the best loving mother that I can.

I look at other mothers and their areas of strength, and I am inspired and intimidated all at the same time. I try to be realistic in adopting and adapting new ideas. And I feel despair when I fall short of the targets I set.

We all feel this way.

When that nagging self-doubt hits, remember that kids (and families) are unique entities; what works for one family doesn't mean it works for you. Give yourself a fighting chance by taking care of you; it's amazing how some rest, a shower, a chat with a friend or a brisk walk outside can change your thinking. Remember the ways, big and small, that you show your kids you love them; that's what really counts.

And, don't forget, we ALL feel this way.

Oh, No! It's My Kid's Birthday!

Well, we're into birthday season in our household. Starting last month, we began our six-month journey that will have us celebrate a dozen family birthdays, with us as the primary party planners for six of those.


I'm sure that I'm not alone in feeling a touch of panic when birthdays loom on the horizon. It seems (at least to me) like some kids' parties have taken on a frenzied and extravagant nature. For example, I recently read about one child's birthday that featured costumes for the whole family, theme music, multiple themed games, house-wide decorations, etc., etc. And all this for a five-year-old!


Anyone else feel totally intimidated?


Thankfully, I'm fortunate to know several families that have consciously opted to keep their celebrations a bit more grounded.


My sister-in-law puts on fun-tastical parties using little more than a roll of newsprint, discarded cardboard boxes from a grocery store and run-of-the-mill craft supplies. Games are re-imagined old-stanbys ("Pin The Beard On The Pirate," anyone?). And her cakes are very imaginative in their decoration, often incorporating the kids' toys to fit the theme.


A friend of ours has made a habit of hosting her daughter's birthday parties in a local park. A lot of time is spent playing on the playground equipment. Then, there are a few classic games, like sack races, tug-of-war and such. Food arrives from the pizza parlour around the corner. Some cut-up fruit and veggies complete the meal, with, of course, cake.


In lieu of typical loot bags filled with candy and plastic things that instantly break, we have received thank-yous such as a pie pumpkin (for a fall birthday) and a single helium-filled balloon (I challenge anyone to find me a kid who doesn't know how to have fun with a balloon!). My all-time favourite party "loot" though was a simple snapshot of the birthday child with our boy, mounted on a piece of boxboard (like from a cereal box) covered in pretty paper.


Our first "kid" birthday is around the corner, so I'll be musing a bit more on birthdays and such in the next while.


What "realistic" birthday ideas have you tried or experienced?

What's With The Picture?

Most "small" blogs that I've seen are complemented by lovely pictures. Nothing extravagant, but well-shot, in focus, etc. But not here! Nope, the Realistic Mummy photos are... ummm... poorly-lit, fuzzy and rather amateurish-looking, right? Well, that's how we roll in this family, and the photos prove it.


The reality behind my photos is simple: I'm usually somewhat frazzled and disorganized. (Just ask my oldest's teacher about the instances when I honestly lose track of time and forget to pick him up from JK.) 


The thought of photos is typically absent from my brain until I'm about to publish a post. So, I haven't time (or inclination) to wait and devise a lovely scene to capture. And I'm usually writing and publishing while sitting in my dimly-lit bedroom trying to settle our baby. So, I grab the handiest photo-taking device (my cell phone or a cheapie point-and-shoot with no flash), take a shot of something tangentially relevant and make that post public!


Other moms I know seem to be ever camera-ready. Not me. I forget to bring a camera. Or I bring it and then leave it, untouched, in my bag. Or I actually get it out and have all my subjects scatter like roaches when the light goes on.


My dream is to one day own a snazzy digital SLR. Then I can really take good pictures. Then again, maybe I'll still just forget it in my bag...


In the meantime, I take ownership of my blurry, under-exposed, flat photos! Hey, I might even convince myself that they exemplify what the Realistic Mummy blog is about: not having your stuff together and accepting that, in truth, no one has it all together.  


Vive le fuzzy photo!


(Nonetheless, in honour of good photos everywhere, this post will not contain any of the typical shoddy things that pass for photos in this blog.)

A Mother's Prayer

A book that I bought when I only had one small child and was still full of parenting energy was Surviving Your Toddler: 365 Creative Games and Activities to Help You Enjoy the Unique Challenges of Life With a One- to Three-Year-Old by Trish Kuffner (Lighthouse Books, 1999).

Available through Chapters-Indigo.

Well, that book was full of great, low-cost ideas, none of which appealed to my little guy. 


But, something that I did find helpful was the inclusion of "A Mother's Prayer." I've been having one of "those" weeks, and in case you are as well, I thought I'd share this:


"Dear Lord,
So far today I've done alright. I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or very indulgent. I'm very grateful for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on, I'm going to need a lot more help. Amen."


And all the people said, "Amen!"

And the Award for "Worst Mother of the Week" Goes To...

Me. The "Worst Mother of the Week" Award goes to me. It all started out like a regular kind of week. Little did I know that my view of myself as a "decent mother" would take such a beating in the span of less than seven days.

The backdrop was of four little boys making constant high-pitched noises and whirling in perpetual motion. Add to that the fact that we'd been running on a sleep-reduced diet for a week or so. I think it all just started to wear on me. Whatever it was, I was noticeably edgier.  


In an attempt to preserve some of my remaining sanity, I turned to the old-standby: videos. Nothing helps this mummy feel calmer than having her kids entranced by flashing images on the TV screen. (That alone earns me a half-point towards the Worst Mother award.)


But this time, I had put on a new video, an animated re-telling of a Tom Kitten story by Beatrix Potter. Safe, right? Wrong. 

Looks innocent, doesn't it?

In the video, Tom Kitten is captured by a pair of rats, who wrap him in dough and prepare to eat him. Their gnashing of teeth and Tom's panicked struggling seemed to account for most of the running time. My almost-five-year-old kept screaming, "Mummy, turn it off!" and I kept yelling, "It's fine! He's going to be fine!" At the very last second, Tom is rescued by his mother, who dramatically saws through the floorboards to reach him.


After I put the kids to bed, my almost-fiver came padding down the hall to find me almost half a dozen times in the span of a few hours. Finally, when I admonished him to stay in bed, he tearfully replied, "Mummy, we shouldn't have watched that video. I can't stop thinking about it, and it's giving me bad dreams." Ohhh, did I feel like the Worst Mother!

Another evening that same week, I used up all my patience getting dinner on the table. So when I ended up negotiating with my crew about whether and how much of the meal they should eat, things got a little heated. In fact, my partner gave me a time out. (That makes it sound bad, but what he did was to suggest that maybe I needed a break and why don't I take some time for myself?) But not to be defeated by an argumentative almost-fiver and two toddlers (and one hollering infant) I continued to oratorize from the next room. Eventually, I could hear our oldest comment quietly to dad, "I wish I had a mummy who didn't yell." Sigh. Another check for the Worst Mother.
  

A few days later, I came down sick and called in the reinforcements --aka the grandparents-- and asked them to take our oldest for the day. Wonderful. Except that our boy, in true almost-five fashion, flat out refused to go with them. Yes, even hid under the dining room table. In the end, I had to literally drag him out, kicking and screaming, and haul him into his coat and boots and shove him out the door. Now, I'm not a child psychologist, but I'm pretty sure that having your mother forcibly evict you from your home is damaging in some way. And it earned me another point towards the title.

And... last, but certainly not least, I think my kids ate pizza three times that week... And one of those times was following a meal of grilled cheese sandwiches. No veggies. Nary a one. Yes, clinched it! The winner! (Thank you, thank you...)


Yep, not my most stellar performance. The good news is that I get a second chance to be the Good Mother that I want to be (and third, and fourth, and...). And I console myself somewhat by saying that my kids will know that mummies --and daddies-- are human, just like kids are.

6MA342SRUCCG

Oil of Oregano: Not Just for Salads

This weekend it was finally my turn to succumb to whatever illness my four boys have been circulating since November. Thankfully the grandparents came to the rescue, looking after all or some of the kids for a couple of days. 


Immediately when she saw me, my mother-in-law asked, "Have you taken your oil of oregano?" I love how, even though she's a retired nurse, she's always on the lookout for natural remedies. This tendency has been especially helpful because for the past number of years I've been either pregnant or breastfeeding, and a lot of pharmaceutical cold meds have been off-limits. Oil of oregano is her newest find.


My father-in-law is not as impressed with the oil of oregano. He gags on it. I sort of like the taste. It's like a super-concentrated Greek salad, all in two little drops. I put the oil in a little whisper of water and throw it back like a shot. 


And I must say that, though it may be psychosomatic, this uber-salad dressing does seem to help. (This is the first time I've been laid low so far this winter.)


Anybody have any other tried-and-true remedies they swear by?

Reforming a Type-A Gal: The Zen of Lowered Expectations

I tend to be an "all or nothing" kind of gal. If I'm going to do something new, make a change in my life or take on a responsibility I like to give it my best. And before kids, if life got bumpy I could still make it all happen by knuckling down to a task, burning the midnight oil or "just doing it."


But since having kids, I find that all my "git 'er done" energy is fully spent by midday in solving major juice crises or mediating toy sharing between belligerent parties. 


So how's a type-A, formerly-relentless super-achiever supposed to adapt to a life full of never-finished to-do lists, half-completed projects and habitually below-par personal hygiene? The answer for me has boiled down to one thing: Lowered Expectations.

The detritus of life... it always seems to land in my dining room.

Indeed, "Lowered Expectations" has become my mantra. I need it when I'm trying to get a few critical things done and everything goes wrong, no one cooperates, and I see the minutes ticking by. Angry outburst threatens!


That's when Lowered Expectations prompts me to ask, "What if task X doesn't get done right now? What are the real non-negotiables?" Even more importantly, "What state do I want my family and myself to be in at the end of this? Frazzled, harried and stressed? Or calm, confident and open?"


Over the past four years, I have found that calm, confident and open is the more desirable state for pretty much any context (a party, errand running, etc.). When I practice this, I enjoy the time with my kids, and they enjoy me (wouldn't you choose zen-mama over the angry she-beast?).


The trade-off for calm, confident and open is that I have to accept the realities of Lowered Expectations. I have to accept welcoming guests into a very messy and often not-too-clean home. I often let my to-do list languish so that I can have positive interactions with my kids. And I have to hold my head high when I venture out in public with no make-up on and somewhat unfashionable or unflattering attire.


Do I make good choices every time? No. Do I still sometimes yell at my kids? Yes (and with great passion too, I might add). But I find that the more I use my mantra of Lowered Expectations, the more natural it becomes, and then the more I use it... And then I find that I'm acting more like the mother I want to be for my kids....


So, there's one of my survival tactics. How about you? How do you negotiate that compromise between your parenting ideals and the pressure of, well, all that other stuff?