Children's Blessing: A Birthday Tradition

For each child's birthday celebration, my partner and I prepare a "blessing," and then read it when we're gathered with family.

What's a birthday blessing, you ask? For us it means we reflect back on our children's individual areas of growth and ask God to nurture their unique skills, aptitudes and orientations.

This tradition captures a little snapshot of who our boys are each year, and it helps bring to the forefront of our consciousness the various facets of their personalities and allows us to encourage them in their individual development.
---------------------------------
I'll give a couple of examples of blessings that we've written:

A 5th Birthday Blessing

This year has meant a new stage in your life, that of a school-ager. We bless you as you begin this journey and all of the learning and changing that comes with it.

We bless your developing mind –your inquisitiveness, your wonder, your logical reasoning and your contemplative nature.

We bless your loving heart –your empathy and your caring.

We bless your sense of humour –your love of fun, your joking and teasing.

We bless your growing confidence and engaging personality, as you experience new places, new people, new activities.

We bless your growing body, and we delight in watching you build, climb, ride and run.

We are thankful that you are in our family, and we love you.

A 3rd Birthday Blessing
The past year has been one of many important transitions, as you leave toddlerhood and enter your pre-school years. As we mark your 3^rd birthday, we reflect on the ways you’re growing and developing, and we bless you.

We bless you as you master physical and cognitive skills, like talking, running and jumping, climbing and riding. We bless your growing independence and your strong spirit. We bless you as you learn to consider the feelings of others and the impact of your actions.

We bless your effervescence, your “no holds barred” approach to life.  We bless your imagination, your ability to create new realities in your mind and inhabit those visionary worlds. We bless your love of movement and athletics. We bless your empathetic and affectionate heart and your compassionate spirit. We bless your eagerness and the optimistic outlook you bring.

We are so thankful to God to have you in our family!
----------------------------------------
I cannot take credit for this original idea. The seed was planted by a friend (thanks, Sarah!) who shared how she and her partner marked special milestones this way. A little while later, I was given an excerpt from the book The Blessing, by John Trent and Gary Smalley The book provides some general principles on preparing a blessing, as well as biblical underpinnings for the tradition.

Obviously, the meaning of the blessings that we write goes over the head of our younger boys. I think that's okay, as for us it's a spiritual exercise and also something they can re-read when they're older.

But, more importantly, the principles of a blessing can be adapted and interpreted into a format that feels the most natural and appropriate for your family.

(If you'd like to use some of the ideas from our own blessings as a model, do feel free. But please make your blessing your own creation, both because we wrote ours as a special gift for our boys and because a blessing isn't really so special unless it's tailored.)

Pssst! Want Some KD?

Kraft Dinner, beyond the dorm?

I fed my children Kraft Dinner tonight, in all its obscenely orange glory. But, before I self-flagellate too much, it must be noted that good ol' KD has evolved!

It is now possible to buy KD in a whole wheat pasta version (with orange or white cheese powder) and also in three versions that Kraft is labelling "Smart," meaning with vegetable, extra fibre or omega-3 content in the noodles. Gasp!

Of course, the stuff is still very high in sodium and the added benefits are passable in terms of quantity. For example, the KD Smart vegetable variation gives half a serving of vegetable per 3/4 cup of prepared pasta, and I can't see a child eating more than 3/4 of a cup, so we're still at least 4 1/2 servings away from the recommended number of 5-6 servings daily of vegetables/fruit.

In other words, KD Smart or KD whole wheat have at least some nutritional value, but they in no way let me off the hook regarding serving vegetables or other whole foods.

Nevertheless, as a quick and cheap dinner, it's hard to beat, and with healthier versions available, I no longer have to slink off to the Mummy Hall of Shame for buying it. Thus, may we all be absolved from any torturous guilt associated with serving KD! (Hey, you can even blame me for making you look at it on your next trip to the supermarket.)

(As an aside, I should note that one of my boys rejected his bowl of KD, saying, "I don't like it," and another wanted to know how much he had to eat before I would let him have some fruit. So, apparently I've not corrupted them yet! And, truthfully, I originally bought it for our camping trip.)

Say "No!" To Hot Dogs

Hot dogs are a ubiquitous part of summer, as common on the grill as burgers and steaks. But hot dogs of the true canine variety are absolutely, unequivocally a bad idea.

So many of us are busy or tired and hot this summer, and we may be tempted: "I'll just be a minute," "I'll crack the window, there's a breeze." DON'T do it!

Already in our area several dogs have had to be rescued from locked cars. One even died. How have we not absorbed this message yet?!! In the summer, temperatures in a car, regardless of a slightly open window, quickly rise to broiling. No animal should be left to bake.

Tell friends, neighbours, co-workers. Just say "NO!" to hot dogs!

If You Go Down In The Woods Today: Camping With Kids

The opposite of zen: five in the canoe, plus dog. 

For the past four years, my soul has been yearning for the woods.

In our years BC (Before Children) my partner and I would make at least one backcountry camping trip per year. It was always my "moment of zen."

But when our first child arrived life got a lot more complicated, and we haven't been camping since. Until now! Our oldest is five, the twins are three --and therefore listen to instructions somewhat-- and our youngest is relatively amenable, so my thoughts turned to CAMPING!

You see the vehicle? We were car-camping!

Having finished the trip and returned home to the city as a complete group, all sound in body and mind, I can say that we had a good time and I'm glad we went. I will also say that I'm glad we're not going again too soon.

A few lessons I learned from our experience:

1. Bring more clothes. Kids *love* water and mud.
2. Bring less food. Everyone's too excited to eat much.

Yep, they sure were enthralled by my nature lessons.

3. Don't plan on cooking. You can either watch the stove OR keep the kids from drowning. Hmm...
4. Just give in and roast hot dogs every night.
5. You will need a containment device. I actually brought a play-pen.
6. Marshmallows go with everything.
7. No one will sleep. Figure out a Plan B.
8. Be prepared with some low-key activities (drawing, reading).
9. Don't give your 5-year-old the camera.
10. Let go of all your expectations.

Exhausting? Yes. Worth it? Yes. Do it again? ... Ask me in a couple of weeks... I'm kidding; I'm already planning our next trip.

Who's tired? Not me! 

Noooo! Don't eat those!

Important Photo Subjects for a 5-yr-old: #1 Up My Nose...

... #2 My Dog's Behind... 

... #3 My Water Gun

C'mon Let's Celebrate!

What parent doesn't think her child is special? Yes, we all know there are 7 billion of us on the planet. But nonetheless parents know that each and every member of that enormous human cloud is unique. So let's celebrate it!


A tidbit I gleaned from The Parent You Want To Be had to do with being a Celebratory Parent. The authors' idea is that when we celebrate milestones in our children's lives in a meaningful way, we:

available on publisher's site

• show them that they are loved
• appreciate and value their unique "person-ness"
• demonstrate how well we know them, how conscious we are of their developments

Being a Celebratory Parent does NOT mean:

• telling our children that they are the most amazing person in the whole world
• celebrating in a lavish way that costs a lot of money
• marking every small moment ("Oh, you found a new rock today for your rock collection! Let's have a party!" Unless, of course, it is actually significant that he found a rock...)

A celebration that doesn't require me to vacuum or tidy? This I can do!

For example, when one of our sons mastered the potty and transitioned to "big boy underpants," we all went out for ice cream. While we were enjoying our cups and cones, my partner and I made mention of his reaching this milestone and told him we were proud of him for working hard. No pony rides, no confetti, no diamond-encrusted Hot Wheels. But the fact that he was entering a new stage was noted and celebrated.

We also have a family tradition to celebrate birthdays. But that's for another post...

How about you? Any "milestone celebration" stories?

Night Terrors

You run down the hall to your screaming child. But when you reach his bedside and stretch out your arms to comfort him, he flails his limbs and screams all the more. You call his name, tell him you're here, to no effect. Maybe his eyes are open; he might look in your direction. But he doesn't respond to your pleas and solaces.

After a while, he quiets and lies down, apparently of his own accord.

This pattern may replay several times a week, or only once in a while. Regardless, your reaction as a parent is always the same: confusion, concern and a sense of helplessness.

This pattern of behaviours is commonly known as "night terrors." Night terrors are not fully understood yet by the medical community, but for some good explanations, check out the articles from Toronto's Hospital for Sick Children, as well as from KidsHealth.org, and Pediatrics.About.com.

Two of our four boys have night terrors, and we've experienced scenarios like the one above many times. It was a relief to finally figure out what was going on, but it took some work, as the boys don't manifest the same pattern during a night terror.

So, in addition to all the expert advice, here's what we've discovered:

• We don't try (any more) to wake our boys. 
• That said, we've found our one son quiets more quickly if I (mummy) stay by him and quietly tell him I'm there and that we'll work on "it" together (I don't know what "it" is that he's experiencing, but that vague term seems to work).
• BUT, our other son requires absolutely no interaction whatsoever. No talking, no touching. If I do talk or touch, he becomes much more agitated and screams louder.

1st lesson learned: children may respond differently to different kinds/degrees of parental interaction during a night terror. Unfortunately, only trial and error will clarify this.

• During a night terror, our one son matches the classic description (behaviour, duration, contributing factors) --figuring out what was going on with him was relatively easy.
• BUT, our other son's night terrors do not follow the classic pattern. His screaming will go on for up to an hour. He may have several episodes in one night. Sometimes he even interacts with us to a certain extent, though not in a "normal" kind of way (e.g. we can't make sense of what he's saying; he asks for water but doesn't want it; he talks to us but while lying down with his eyes shut). 

2nd lesson learned: even though it doesn't match the standard description, it might still be a night terror. Trust your gut. 

• A trip to the toilet (for our out-of-diapers son) quite often seems to head off a night terror. This was a tip from friends who endured unbelievable night terrors until they came up with this tactic.
• Hearing many other parents share their stories and how they've coped with night terrors is amazingly reassuring. It's helped us feel like we're responding the right --and the realistic-- way.

3rd lesson learned: talk to everyone who may have insight to help you devise the best way to respond to the night terrors. Doctors, sure, but definitely other parents --they are the ones living through these episodes, and maybe some odd thing they've tried will work for you!  

And, above all, stay calm and try to ride them out (4th lesson there?). Anyone have any tips or stories to share?